Back in time, I would describe myself as a perfectionist. As an Insolvency Practitioner, regulated to deliver services to the highest standards, this seemed like an admirable quality. Surely, everyone expected nothing less than a flawless service?
So, yes, I did wear it as a badge of honour. This self-image of myself as a perfectionist meant I was committed to the highest quality and standards and would never be satisfied with second best or average.
You are thinking, I bet there is a “but” coming. Yes indeed!
When I was studying for my MBA, the term “satisficing” was mentioned. The notion that good enough is good enough. But I had some concerns with the idea of practising satisficing which, to me, was tantamount to cutting corners. Therefore, learning about satisficing didn’t radically shift my perfectionist tendencies (hard to change the habits of a lifetime!) at the time. It did, though, lead me on a path that would see me questioning the value and benefit of this trait. The foundation of my pedestal had started to crumble!
Fast forward 10 years and with a much deeper and richer understanding of human nature and what drives people’s attitudes and behaviours, I now see perfectionism for what it is and it certainly isn’t a badge of honour.
What is perfectionism?
It is easier to start with what perfectionism isn’t. As Brené Brown highlights in her fabulous book The Gifts of Imperfection, perfectionism is not about trying to be one’s best or self-improvement. It is also not a commitment to quality and high standards or about personal growth.
Instead, perfectionism is a defence mechanism to protect the ego – one’s self-esteem and self-worth – and avoid or control risk. Much like with procrastination, the mind wants to avoid the pain and discomfort of what it fears. In terms of perfectionism, this might be criticism, blame, harsh judgement or feeling inadequate or less than. Perfectionism therefore stifles growth and improvement.
Why is Perfectionism bad?
Perfect is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. A construct of the mind; an illusion that is unattainable in reality. Herein lies the problem. You will always find something wrong or a mistake or room for improvement if you look hard enough. This is upsetting and worrying for the perfectionist and it simply drives them even harder to become perfect (e.g. more in control of all the risks), reinforcing the notion that they are not yet perfect (i.e. I am flawed, inadequate or less than). This drive to perfection can lead to obsessive behaviours and paranoia as the person’s self-worth, the very foundation of their ego, is in jeopardy. The ego sees this as an existential threat.
When threatened, the fight or flight response will see us either coming out swinging or running away. So we might aggressively pursue ‘perfect’ criticising or putting intense pressure on ourselves or those we work with. Alternatively, we may withdraw altogether and procrastinate as we feel that achieving ‘perfect’ is impossible so why bother?
Either way, this is unhealthy. The perfectionist’s self-esteem is constantly being eroded by reality and they become disconnected from others who are fed up with being pressured to meet the perfectionist’s unrealistic demands. Also, feeling dissatisfied, inadequate or not up to the task leads to a downward spiral of self-limiting beliefs, anxiety, depression and misery.
Is all Perfectionism bad?
It all depends on how you define perfectionism. But, if a person is setting unrealistic and unnecessarily high expectations of oneself and others then the answer is yes. I accept though that the term ‘unrealistically high expectations’ is subjective and will be influenced by the circumstances. Setting challenging targets or goals supports learning and growth and inspires innovation.
We therefore need to look at the consequences or impacts of perfectionism as a barometer. Is the harm caused unacceptable to the point that the behaviour must be mitigated or avoided? Very often the perfectionist lacks the clarity of mind and objectivity to answer this question as they live in denial of the consequences of their behaviour.
There is also a fine line between positive attention to detail and perfectionism. You will be familiar with the saying you can ‘get too much of a good thing’. This highlights, that whenever there is excess balance is lost and once balance is lost we get disharmony and dysfunction.
How do I know if I am a perfectionist?
To answer this question, consider if any of the following symptoms or signals of perfectionism resonate with you. Personally, I have either experienced or witnessed all of these examples either through my own challenges with perfectionism or my work with others as a coach and mentor:
- Anxiety, depression and burnout. The constant pressure to achieve the impossible just becomes too much for the mind to cope with.
- Shame – negative self-talk that reinforces the belief that I am inadequate. Feeling inadequate or less than is very unhealthy. It erodes self-confidence and robs one of the joys of life. Nothing is ever satisfying.
- An obsessive focus on what is wrong with little or no acknowledgement of what is right. Perhaps constant criticism and harsh judgment.
- Broken relationships – others may say of the perfectionist’s management style ‘I just can’t do right for doing wrong’ and they feel disempowered, undervalued and not trusted.
- Setting unrealistic and unachievable standards. This can include setting performance standards that do not align with the organisation’s culture (and the values that underpin it) or its strategy.
- An unwillingness to delegate and let go of tasks for fear of mistakes or unacceptable standards. This may be accompanied by the belief that only I can get it right, that others are not to be trusted or the risks are simply too great delegating responsibility to them.
- Workaholism – working unhealthy and excessive hours in the pursuit of the impossible and to compensate for the resulting inefficient working practices (e.g. failure to delegate to others, over-servicing the needs of clients or customers).
- Procrastination where the deferment of action is blamed on the conditions not being right to achieve the necessary standard – ‘I will do it when [I have the skills needed][have the time or tools to do a good job][I have the right team]’.
Overcoming perfectionism
In Part 2 of my blog, which will be published shortly, I will explore the options for overcoming perfectionism and finding more positive, balanced behaviours and attitudes that recognise the importance of ‘satisficing’.
Suffice it to say, though, as with all unhelpful personality traits, behaviours and attitudes, the starting point has to be a recognition that these are not helpful or acceptable. Without self-awareness, there is no catalyst for change. Simply denial and more of the same.